Boundaries in the bedroom    

Dear Aggie, My boyfriend has brought up wanting to try something in the bedroom I’m uncomfortable with multiple times, even after I expressed my feelings about it. Any advice on how to handle that? - Anne Onamus

Dear Anne Onamus, hoo boy, this is gonna be an interesting one today ain’t it? Let’s get the obvious out of the way, by the sounds of it you’ve already said no and set a clear boundary, good for you.

Unfortunately, his insistence seems to imply this may be more important to him than just trying something out once for the sake of trying new things. If this is resonating with you I only have one piece of advice, break it off. 

Sexual fulfillment is important in a relationship, I’m not going to pretend it isn’t, we all have things we want out of a sexual relationship, but comfort in the relationship as a whole is the most important thing. 

We all have our limits and they deserve to be respected, if he’s expressing a strong want for something you aren’t comfortable with. You may not be compatible with him in a sexual context.

 It’s a hard-hitting truth but it takes more than love to make a relationship work. If this is someone you’re looking to spend the rest of your life with. You need to have clear communication, wants, needs, boundaries, and a mutual understanding and respect for those things.

You’ve established a boundary, you don’t want to try whatever it is he’s asking of you, he needs to consider if this is something he requires out of a partner or if it’s something he’s willing to go without.

When I say consider, I’m talking about some real deep introspection, we’re all adults here, it’s time for some emotional maturity and assessing what we want in the long term. 

If neither of you is willing to budge on the issue, and from the sounds of it you aren’t, then y'all might not be as compatible as y’all thought.

If this is something he feels he needs out of a sexual partner then dragging this out any longer will only lead to frustration and resentment on both sides.

I understand it’s hard to break things off when there is so much good to be found in a relationship, but deal breakers are deal breakers. If that is a firm boundary then it will always be a firm boundary and should not be infringed upon.

Neither partner in a relationship should feel like they are settling or giving up something for the sake of not being alone. Compromise is important but depriving yourself of something you genuinely want out of a relationship just so that you won't be single again isn’t exactly fair to either of you.

Always do what’s best for you!

The Dear Aggie column will answer questions on all matters of interest to students at TAMUG. Submit a query by emailing tamugnautilus@gmail.com. Names will be kept confidential.